A brief flashback.

November 12th feels strange this year.

My mind goes back to the summer and the rollercoaster ride of emotions that we both experienced.

Hurt, comfort, optimism, despair.

We'd spent the day before visiting the zoo and feeling completely at ease. Hand in hand, chucking chips at the birds and falling back in to each others arms for a final summer's night.

This is the last picture of us that I have.

I remember entering the airport and feeling sick to my stomach. You spent the entire car journey flicking through radio stations and it infuriated me inside. I never understood how you could switch off from the impending seperation. So I had my eyes fixed on the road ahead, chasing clouds in the sky and wondering which way I was heading for the Atlantic.

We got to the airport and I could never have imagined that I was holding your hand for the last time. Or maybe I could. You kissed me then turned to leave, but unlike the summer before, you didn't look back. This time I stood there and watched until you were out of sight. I stayed there for ten minutes just incase you hadn't actually gone.

I still remember walking up that escalator with tears in my eyes, spending a good half hour sifting through duty-free magazines and not reading a single word. Then sitting in the window seat and watching your hometown disappear, losing orientation and closing my eyes until I knew that I wouldn't look down and see anything I could recognise.

And while it no longer hurts to think about it, I just know that if I could have foreseen where we are today, I'd have broken down in the departure lounge far worse than I did.

I know that I'll never see that airport again, and I'll never repeat the journey through cornfields to reach it. I know that I'll probably never see you again either.

So I hope today, on your birthday...you're off having fun and enjoying yourself.

I know you're happy with another guy, and it's no longer my responsibility to produce cheesy presents or sentimental CDs. I also know that you still read what I write.

There are far too many happy memories for me to simply erase the last three years from my system. Yet I've moved on and you have too. I haven't forgotten about you and I do still care.

But we both knew it had to end. I'm so sorry for the way that it did.