My dirty thoughts have been frozen.

Are all the newsagents in India as poor for customer service as those down St. Albans Road?

Nothing irritates me more than going up to the counter - ready to offer my custom - and having to wait for the shopkeeper to either get off the phone, stop talking a foreign language to the kid in the back, or actually tell me how much I have to pay.

I mean, really. There's no price marked, but he thrusts an outstretched hand for my money, expecting me to have calculated the exact change - often while chatting gobbleygook to Sanjay and not even offering me so much as a passing glance. Oh yes, I'm feeling un-PC today.

So maybe I harbour unrealistic expectations, but when the bloke behind the counter ignores me for a couple of minutes while I'm in a hurry for work - just so that he can chat to a delivery man on the phone - I get a little hot and bothered. And not even a "thank you" or a "have a nice day" when I leave!

Likewise, when his wife thumps me in the back of the head with a cardboard box full of old stock, why is it ME that says sorry? Oh, I give up.

Anybody else read The Sun today? Remember A.S from Queensmead? (I don't want to name names, you can search the website for yourself if you're that interested) Apparently he's on trial in Isleworth for sexually assaulting a mother in front of her kid. The mother later committed suicide.

I saw it on the train and it was pretty shocking. From what I remember, A.S mixed with a bit of a dodgy crowd. I used to go round his house after school and we wouldn't get up to much good. I knew that he took a few wrong paths, but to read that was disgusting. Some people go too far off the rails.

Why do I feel like I'm perilously close to falling for this girl who seems so far out of reach? It's one of those situations where half of me wants to take her out, and the other half is worried about how I'd cope if it went as well as it seems it would.

I don't know how to describe it really. It's hard to deny that there's some lusting involved on my part, how can there not be? And I'm equipped to handle that, being the guy that I am. It's the friendship and not wanting to make a wrong approach which shivers me timbers. But I've never known a girl who knows to say exactly what somebody trying to seduce me would say - and yet not appear to be interested.

It's extremely frustrating. Like somebody walking around parading a pair of dream undies that were perfectly designed to match your shape. You know? You're showing me what I want, but you won't let me grab it. God damn you.

I think I've mislead myself. Time and time again, I've insisted that a lunch, park bench or dinner would be enough to sway her. I think I'm simply talking for myself. She seems absolutely immune to it all. And the rest is such an unfathomable basket of what-ifs, I'm starting to get that slush puppy head rush feeling.

And that can mean only one thing.

It's Friday, baby, and I'm in the mood to tear up a dancefloor.