From the back of my phone memory

I feel like I've made a terrible error of judgment in my actions, and I can't stop rewinding to the moment I set myself up for it. 

You know when you make a conscious decision, riding on a gut feeling, that something is more trouble than it's worth? I never used to shy away from those decisions and I always used to follow heart over head. I think that's the main difference between how I am now, and how I was 18 months ago. I've clouded my world in cynicism and for anybody to get close to me intimately, it's just not reasonable to expect them to go to the lengths that they'd need to.

I know I've made the right decision. But for who? I wish I could regain that feeling of caring without fear, but I feel like it got snuffed out on an Iowan highway last summer. Still it shocks me to think just how suddenly the knives were sharpened. 

It wasn't the clouds this time, only the fields. You build yourself up inside and hope that things become simple, but just like they refused last April, I could make no sense of them here either. So you look out the window and watch the same optimism of hours before disappear with the rest of the day. I'm hurting inside that I didn't take that chance.

You struggle to not remember the past but it's often the one constant that shapes you. I don't care for the fact that a relationship failed, but the hideous changes that it brought about in people I thought I knew was enough, clearly, to keep my future interests on hold. So we go round and round in circles, suggesting the same sweet nothings and leaving the same desires unanswered.

I'm annoyed with myself for letting cruel character breakdowns undermine me, but why hurt anybody else when you're still living in spite? I'm so full of fake promises and I know how badly they deceive. I didn't want to make another. Hurt someone once and you can say sorry, hurt them again and you should have known better.

I hope some of this makes sense. I'm heading to Amsterdam soon, and as strange as it sounds, I may just come back seeing things a little more clearly.

Bloke from kfc, rolf harris. Bane of chickens extraordineur

A genetically degrading monstrosity, blog forgotten how to kiss

Moveme.com

Bad fall, sincere. Calamity fall, not so much.

Girls and what works, do with them, not to them. Easy pointer

5 yrs to live, ill go in 4

tourist gives camera, you snap self

I love you too template.

iphone- a phone and an ipod wtf

Put on 30lbs and forgotten gow to hiptoss but come saturday night, ill remember how to rock

Pogues

Us londones have a reputation for not wanting to talk, but are we the ones to blame? 

Engineering works but never improvement in the service

I would rather snooze and be petted in her lap than endure another convo.

Signing a breast, 'eet was the nice tit ja? Dynamo say 8/10

Unglam life web designer. Monitor muffin

just want to talk, not whau

primark empty or full, smart man socks, cassiobury park at night

Xmas lights, back of bike

du og meg. you're my favourite living human of all

if can happdn to md, your asses better believe

London love letter. Go londonpaper websitd. Lovestruck. ha.

500,000 fans queuing

hair looks a bit full of roses.Intruder in the threesome

Smile at strangers. Watch reaction.

met line, fucked on fri 21

google Gok wan.

well if you double it three times and switch on the reverse i suppose you've got a start. But its gonna take longer than that to get to where i want to be

Ive been putting in a little effort. youdouble it three times, let me do the rest tiny

1 mil Facebook group want smoking ban lifted. hey Dude. 59 mil ppl still say no. jog on

live a little closer you'd be all i ever saw

How many love of my lifes can you get away with before it starts to get OOOLD

the olympics,spear throwing contest, lots of little chinese men

never letting hair down, mistake by dawn

Actually scratch that, Junction at 8?